A Reflective Letter to My Readers

Dearest Readers,

Welp, I guess this is the final post of my blog.... how strange that I have already been back in New York City for more than a month! Time passes more quickly in the city, I swear.

Now that I am back, people ask and ask and ask how it was: did I like it, am I glad that I did it, aren't I so happy to be back?

My standard answer is, "I'm really happy that I did it, I got to see some places that I would never otherwise see! However, I don't think I will be returning to the company I was working for, because I did not enjoy them. But hey, it was a cool job and I didn't have to pay rent!"

Let me explain what I mean: The administration issues were too much for me, and I cannot support an institution that exploits their staff so drastically. However. I did not mind cruise life, and, in looking back on this blog, seeing how many places I went, and now trying to explain to people what I had the opportunity to do for six months, I am so grateful for my contract.

One regret that I do have was my lack of presence towards the end. The last two months onboard, I was vying for New York constantly. I missed my friends, my boyfriend, I wanted to cook my own food, to take an actual class, and to wear different clothes than the ones I had been donning for the last four months. I do wish that I had been more present when I was off the ship and exploring.

A cruise ship is it's own microcosm of expectations, drama, and faulty plumbing. In contrast, the wide world is too huge! How lucky am I to have seen so much of it in these past six months.

I realized this in Kiel on the last week of my contract. Every time we had a PAX change in Kiel it had been a Sunday, which meant everything was closed because Germany. However, our last PAX change was on a Wednesday, and Kiel was popping! It turns out that Kiel is gorgeous, with fountains and parks, lots of winding pedestrian roads, and outdoor cafés. I wish every time I had gotten off the ship in all the places we went that I had had the sense of wonderment that I did while exploring Kiel for the first and last time.

Right before landing at JFK, I teared up a bit at the sight of The Freedom Tower standing tall and proud in FiDi. There was my home, and Freedom was there to greet me. While the city has not changed and I have reentered the rat race with only a few culture shock hiccups (Um, someone please tell me why I waste half of my day on the subway??), I can sense my personal growth driving me differently as I navigate my familiar pathways. I have returned with a better idea of what it means to be a professional dancer. I guess I had it in my head that if I got a job that meant that I'd done it. I'd SUCCEEDED! Alas, now I am back in the city, working the same server job, spending copious amounts of money on all that the city requires, and struggling to maintain my social life while still finding time to work out and dance. I am basically exactly where I was six months ago. But, I have greater resolve to have time for myself to do things that are important to me.

I am physically stronger. My attitude towards food and personal belongings has changed. I know that distance never defines the depth of any relationship. And I now know that to be a professional dancer is to run a marathon, to constantly search and work and maintain and believe.

The race against yourself will never end until you decide that you want to do something else. And you know what? I think that that kind of organized chaos is the most fun.

One of my goals for 2019 was to finish this blog. I am happy to have achieved that goal. Thank you to everyone who read my journey. I hope it was as eye-opening for you as it was for me!

Much love and all the best,

Evy <3<3<3